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There's something on, then, isn't there?

We're off to Switzerland in a few days. I used to know when and where gigs were happening, but I've long since become far too important a person to bother myself with Google searches or remembering what I'm told by anyone. That we'll be in Switzerland is all I know. If you live anywhere near that rather pleasant land, you should do a Google search (or use whichever search engine/impulse monitoring system is your own personal favourite), find out where we are, and come and see us to say hello. I'm not giving you any clues as to where in Switzerland we'll be – I've only just got through the door, and I'm knackered. It's...a treasure hunt. It's a clever marketing tool. You're very impressed.

A trip to Switzerland means a long journey in the van. I like those, usually, but this time it looks like I'll be doing a bit of driving. I haven't driven the van in about five years, so I'm a bit worried about it. I mean, I worry quite a lot, about quite a lot of small things, but this time when I ask myself the question What could go wrong? The answer, of course, is: Well, everything, really. You could unintentionally end lives.

I prefer my life to resemble a SAGA holiday in a chemical storage facility, rather than that of any kind of modern 21st century go-getting can-do musician. I'd rather break my leg and talk to the nurses at the bottom of the mountain than stride to the summit and open my arms to a cheap postcard of God next to Brad and Linda (although they both seem very nice.)

So I'd rather sit in the back and read and be grumpy and sing and make bad jokes and throw cream cakes at the windsreen and play “make Ed cry more” than have to actually take the wheel, and be responsible for any aspect of the success of the trip.

Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

Doing is not what I do.

Hey...maybe you could win a prize...

You could drive the van to Switzerland!

It's a clever marketing tool.

You're very impressed.

Tim






[P.S. I have subsequently noticed that there is information on the gigs on Phoria social media channels. That's good - but not so good for you, as the treasure hunt is now over. I repeat, winning is now a concept from your past. Forget about it. That's over. Live now without hope.]