Tuesday 25 July 2017

All entries will be considered.


There's something on, then, isn't there?

We're off to Switzerland in a few days. I used to know when and where gigs were happening, but I've long since become far too important a person to bother myself with Google searches or remembering what I'm told by anyone. That we'll be in Switzerland is all I know. If you live anywhere near that rather pleasant land, you should do a Google search (or use whichever search engine/impulse monitoring system is your own personal favourite), find out where we are, and come and see us to say hello. I'm not giving you any clues as to where in Switzerland we'll be – I've only just got through the door, and I'm knackered. It's...a treasure hunt. It's a clever marketing tool. You're very impressed.

A trip to Switzerland means a long journey in the van. I like those, usually, but this time it looks like I'll be doing a bit of driving. I haven't driven the van in about five years, so I'm a bit worried about it. I mean, I worry quite a lot, about quite a lot of small things, but this time when I ask myself the question What could go wrong? The answer, of course, is: Well, everything, really. You could unintentionally end lives.

I prefer my life to resemble a SAGA holiday in a chemical storage facility, rather than that of any kind of modern 21st century go-getting can-do musician. I'd rather break my leg and talk to the nurses at the bottom of the mountain than stride to the summit and open my arms to a cheap postcard of God next to Brad and Linda (although they both seem very nice.)

So I'd rather sit in the back and read and be grumpy and sing and make bad jokes and throw cream cakes at the windsreen and play “make Ed cry more” than have to actually take the wheel, and be responsible for any aspect of the success of the trip.

Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

Doing is not what I do.

Hey...maybe you could win a prize...

You could drive the van to Switzerland!

It's a clever marketing tool.

You're very impressed.

Tim






[P.S. I have subsequently noticed that there is information on the gigs on Phoria social media channels. That's good - but not so good for you, as the treasure hunt is now over. I repeat, winning is now a concept from your past. Forget about it. That's over. Live now without hope.]

Saturday 1 July 2017

Strange.

Has anyone figured this stuff out yet?

There's no excuse for not knowing where you are and why you're there (here). You've had plenty of time. Don't tell me you gave up on trying to get a grip on things?

I don't mean to make you feel bad, but I expected a bit more from you.

We've done a few things since I last posted on here. Texas, Krakow, London…

But let's keep it contemporary-local.

Organic.

A few of us celebrated last week at one of the houses out in the country.

Trewin was central to the organisation of this small shindig, so we ended up with a marquee and DJ booth that, were nature to get you on your shoulders at three o'clock in the morning with eyelids not for lifting, you may well have mistaken for the Pyramid stage at that other thing that goes on every June.

I was ready to celebrate having made some leaps and bounds in recovering from (what doctor's have labelled) an RSI in my hands from which I've been suffering for nearly twelve months. It's made pretty much everything painful, and has well taken its toll on almost every aspect of me. Thanks to a few recent revelations, it looks like it's done with me for now.

So it all went on late with many a thump and a thud and tiny swimming pools popping up here and there as everybody dripped into the leaning hours. No doubt as Cheese hacked pink laughs at me and Trewin hugged away at me in his “ironic” flimsy shirt and leopard print spandex, they both thought, as I did, that it was all uphill from here.

Is that right? “It's all downhill from here” means all things are bound to get worse, but going uphill is apparently an “uphill struggle,” which suggests an uncomfortable quantity of hard work. So that's your choice, then? It's either a bad time, or drudgery?

Either way, the next morning, right when it looked like plain sailing, Trewin packs up some of the mountain of gear we had set up - no doubt in top form following a nice rest and a cup of nothing that could have actually made him feel any better - and proceeds to break his foot by dropping a big weight on it.

Not that Phoria fans are any strangers to W(A)eIghTS, eh?

So, no shock to us, there's another little setback that nobody planned for.

There actually is an interesting little project getting done as a first spurt from the new studio that you can wait for, if you really want to. There's not much else you can do with it for now. It's short.

I'm not on it.

No1 bestseller.

But all we can do is work, and all we can do is say hello, every now and then, and let you in to our little lives and show you what we get up to, sometimes. It ain't always good, it ain't always anything, but it's us.

What is the 21st century but a whole load of fuss about nothing?

And it looks like I've started writing these again, doesn't it? Sure, it's not YouTube, but we can have our fun through the written word if we all pull together, right gang?

I'll need you with me if I'm going to get back up to speed.

Don't leave me here with nothing but a broken footed weirdo for company.


Tim

Achieve.

All milky and lava-lamp-ish the street-lights reflecting on my big red car bonnet as I curl it round at night all sound and echoing engine...